July 17th, Leave a comment Go to comments Some of the most emotionally abusive relationships and traumatic divorces involve the mentally ill. One of the most difficult of these mental illnesses is Borderline Personality Disorder BPD because it is not easily diagnosed. Behaviors can range from extreme violence to subtle patterns of emotional blackmail and projection. On top of that, many Borderlines tend to live in denial, constantly avoiding their own feelings of emptiness, insecurity, anger, disappointment and fear that more often than not stems from an abusive childhood. Some are so busy with their own inner demons that they are trapped in a realm of substance abuse, suicide attempts, and self-hate that for most can be traced back to child abuse or neglect. If this is the kind of Borderline in your life, count yourself lucky. Often, such blaming for fictional behaviors is a form of projection used to distract from the Borderline doing the exact thing she or he is accusing the partner of doing. For instance, your Borderline significant other may be having affairs, but you can be sure you will be accused of having affairs even if you have never had one long before he or she will admit to one. You may find that many of your friends and family will have heard about your fictional affairs long before you even realize your significant other has been lying about you far and wide. When you try to explain what is really happening, many will refuse to believe the truth because they have heard so many lies about you they cannot imagine they are all false.
Coping with Codependent Parents
Five Misconceptions That Keep Men From Letting Go and Moving On A breakup with a woman who engages in behaviors associated with BPD or borderline personality disorder during a romantic relationship may be one of the more painful experiences a man can go through. Many men report spending months and even years recovering from the fallout from this type of relationship. For men whose romantic partners do not engage in the behavior pattern associated with BPD until after marriage, the going can be even tougher.
Because of the difficulty many people have in understanding the true nature of these relationship breakups, many misconceptions about this disorder can arise. Most of these perceptions are based on our common belief system of why people behave the way they do.
Results: According to our data, probably every 2nd codependent person meets the five criteria required for a BPD diagnosis in DSM-IV-TR, and every 7th codependent meets the criteria set out there.
Tweet Could your codependency or another emotional issue be the reason you want someone back who left you? When you are codependent , you are typically looking outside yourself for definition or a sense of self. It might be through material things or the roles you play in life, for example. You might also look for a sense of identity through a relationship with another.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to be in a healthy relationship, of course. Frankly, I think most humans want to love and be loved. But the thing is, some of us select partners where basically, it can only be a one-way street. Then again, and this might be more difficult for you to fathom, your partner might have left you because that person did not see you as capable of having the healthy give and take kind of relationship he or she desired.
While you might have thought you were making yourself more desirable by trying to do everything you could to please your loved one, this could have actually turned the emotionally healthy person off.
No Contact – The Scapegoat’s Last Resort
My schooling never touched on this pervasive disorder, yet my understanding of it cumulatively expanded through assisting clients who’d never been able to forge healthy, enduring attachments. Let me be very clear; I have not ‘treated’ Borderline Personality Disorder. Borderlines are not “bad people. In truth, when individuals are helped to resolve their self-worth issues, and connect with their emotions without compulsively analyzing or judging them, personality disorder features can be eliminated.
It’s not ‘rocket science,’ but it definitely requires an unconventional and unique type of assistance, that falls outside the realm of standard or traditional therapies. Resolving Borderline Personality Disorder isn’t a head issue, and there is nothing wrong with a Borderline’s mind.
The Approach-Avoidance Dance of Codependent Couples More often, though, two codependent people get together. As I just alluded to, one likes to step forth and do most anything and everything for the other.
The “Other” Love Doctor Jul 14, 8: Thank goodness for the lessons that these shady relationships teach us when we wake the heck up. Thank you for sharing the article-it is a great read. I always say if you think that they had a disorder, you are probably right on the money. It is not your imagination. There are many not well folk walking around like everything is just peachy until you get close and get to see the not so great them.
Cheers to your recovery from E.
Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites. It was as if someone was describing every aspect of my relationship with my mother in detail. This post has helped me understand the dynamics of an unhealthy relationship – it’s very difficult to understand what is happening when it’s the only thing one has known their whole life! I am in the process of establishing boundaries and experiencing an uphill battle, specifically tantrums thrown by my mother where my friends, loved ones, and members of our community are brought into these embarrassing discussions via email, phone, social media, etc with the purpose of getting what she wants.
I only wish I would have been aware of this years ago
May 09, · WARNING: this video was not meant to be a resource for those who have Borderline Personality Disorder(BPD), which is a very unfortunate psychological disorder. The video was created as a .
Most people assume that there must be something wrong with men who stay in relationships with women who have traits of borderline personality disorder, men who know the right move is to leave but who find themselves unable to let go. In Part 1 we explored the personality type associated with traits of borderline personality disorder, or BPD, and the unusual pattern of Dr.
Hyde transformation that so many of these women go through when they enter a romantic relationship. In order to understand the dynamic of this couple, we need to answer a very important question. What was it about this man that attracted a woman with traits of BPD in the first place? Just like there is a profile for the borderline personality type, there is also a profile for the kind of man that they often choose to partner with. There is a specific reason why these women are drawn to a nice-guy type over other types of personality.
You will find an important clue in the name we commonly use to label men with this kind of personality.
Codependency Support Group
Sadly, we humans tend to be a bit more human than that. We fall in love, we commit, we get hurt — over and over — and we stay. People need people, but sometimes the cost is a heavy one.
Yes, a self-aware, strong-willed and independent person with bpd traits can avoid relationships to focus on getting better. But on the other hand, deliberately avoiding love under the garb of a label like bpd could be even more harmful to one’s emotional well-being.
Offline 1 Recently divorced I attempted to get back with my ex-wife. I took all the blame for the divorce due to being a drunk and started getting help through the church and meetings. She began letting me back but abruptly jumped into relations with an old friend when I had to travel out of town due to my daughter. Within days she went from telling me how much she loved me to staying with him and reminding me how sorry of a husband and stepfather I was.
Heartbroken, I went back to our marriage counselor for a session and she informed me in addition to my dependency, she believed she had “borderline personality disorder” BPD. She read me the symptons and it clicked.
Borderline Personality Disorder
Tuesday, March 20 Becky Oberg Codependency, like addiction, is a serious problem that can affect many people with borderline personality disorder BPD. It is also called ” relationship addiction. Isolation may be due to a belief that the family’s image must be protected. This can lead to restricting contacts with “outsiders,” such as clergy, social workers, and therapists.
Isolation prevents help from arriving.
Is she “crazymaking?” Do you feel like you need to walk on eggshells all the time? As the authors of Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder point out, women (and men) with Borderline Personality Disorder are frequently abusive. You might want to think about whether this fits your relationship–and do something about it.
Sure, they came on a little strong at first. The compliments seemed a bit excessive and even premature. Ignoring that nagging voice in your head, the relationship developed at a fast pace, faster than most of your other relationships and friendships. At some point, perhaps you questioned their sincerity and insta-adoration? How can someone who barely knows you seriously love you in such a short amount of time and be willing to commit to you so quickly? You were being drugged with flattery, or love bombed.
Relationships with narcissists, borderlines, histrionics, sociopaths — whatever the DSM classification may be — begin in reverse. A relationship between two emotionally mature individuals with boundaries and healthy senses of self develops steadily over time and builds up to dessert after pesky little things like friendship, intimacy and trust have been established.